Narcissistic abuse is something that I will be writing about in depth in the near future as there is much to be said on the subject and something that has unfortunately affected so many lives of not only women, but men also.

Narcissistic personality disorder is an actual condition which can easily be diagnosed but not easily treated as the narcissist will deny there is anything wrong with them. In their mind, there's something wrong with you, not them. The main distinguishing features are a lack of empathy for others and will happily exploit others as they do not value people as human beings but rather “objects”, troubled relationships, a need for admiration and constant validation from others, hugely inflated ego and sense of entitlement, lack of guilt or shame, controlling and belittling behaviour, cognitive distortions and arrogance. 

They are living a lie and deep down they know this. Once the mask slips, they will become afraid that you're seeing them for what they really are and will then attempt to project it onto you which in turn makes you insecure and bewildered, wondering what YOU have done wrong!, but more of this another time.

However, the narcissist wears an invisible mask to the outside world  and when you first meet them, they are the kindest, attentive, most charming person you have ever met and this is how they hook you in. They want you to believe their lie and they go to great lengths to succeed in this.

Narcissists are attracted predominantly to empaths because empaths are understanding, selfless, sensitive, hopeless romantics, kind, forgiving, eager to please, loving and giving. They are emotional sponges who soak up feelings and emotions of other people and situations. 

Before the narcissist has entered your life and maybe even before you're even aware of their interest in you, they will have definitely done their research on you before they make you their unwitting target and the more vulnerable the better as they will be able to manipulate and exhort their power over you much easier.

In my own experience, I had very recently lost both my parents within a year of each other~(both losses were unexpected and both in  traumatic circumstances), I had also just moved home and been involved in a costly and emotionally draining court case. I was struggling financially and felt very alone. Apart from my children, I had no one. I started a new job and I had not ever spoken to the narcissist even though I had seen him occasionally when he had reason to visit my place of work. I was certainly not looking for a relationship as I was using all my energy just to hold myself together at the time and even when he started saying hello to me, I thought nothing of it whatsoever.

I barely knew of him for about six months before we had our first conversation and he asked me out for an evening. He later told me that in these six months, he had watched me, listened to me talk, studied my mannerisms and tried to find out as much as he could about me. He later said it was because he had never seen anyone as beautiful, kind and perfect. Now I know it was part of his carefully premeditated plan to lovebomb me which I will discuss in my next post.

Narcissists are predators and will secretly observe and circle their prey like wild animals waiting for the exact time to make their move, then they pounce. Make no mistake, the minute they show up in your life, you can be guaranteed that they have already been doing their research and observing you at length.