Kindness… is it good enough?
There has been quite a considerable amount of emphasis during the pandemic on “kindness” and we have been bombarded by the media showing us different scenarios of peoples lives being touched by kindness. Indeed, we were shown families and the vulnerable being given food parcels, neighbours checking on one another, essential shopping being collected and all manner of charities being set up to do good for others in one way or another.
Mental illness became an epidemic, unfortunately affecting many lives but the illnesses that were maybe once well hidden, have now bubbled to the surface and are readily talked about and people are willing to seek and accept help. I am no stranger to tragedy regarding mental illness but I am confident that mental illness will soon be as acceptable as talking about a physical illness and the taboo that still lingers, will be lifted once and for all. Many veritable organisations are doing their utmost to plough through huge waiting lists and volunteer listeners, counsellors and befrienders are in all towns and cities.
However, I digress. I am not here to talk about understanding and kindness towards mental health. I am here to talk about kindness in general and whether it's good enough and my answer is... no. Far from it.
Research by the ONS shows that almost half of adults feel lonely in Great Britain with 2.6 million people feeling lonely often or always and the recent lockdowns have barely affected this percentage which means that loneliness is rife.
Most lonely people are already somewhat isolated and are introverts, whether by choice or circumstantial, making them far less likely to reach out for help and sadly most organisations dealing with offering this kind of support are through referrals or other agencies already involved, which thus leaves so many people to cope alone as they are never under the radar.
Unlike the generations of our grandparents and great grandparents , over half of Britons have described their neighbours as strangers and a tenth do not know any of their neighbours which is a sobering thought. Hundreds of thousands of people go for days or weeks without any social interactions.
We tend to regard people we do not know with hesitant suspicion. Maybe that's just a sad reflection of society nowadays where we feel we cannot trust people and do not want to get involved in other people's lives or indeed go out of our way or our comfort zone. Most people stick with what they know whether that's colleagues, family and friends and don't wish to venture further.
However, as humans we are all connected. We all arrive and leave this life alone but it's what happens in the middle that gives us our meaning and a reason to live. It's a sad fact that some sticks seem to have been already drawn at the short end and circumstances are not favourable from the start. For others, it's all manner of reasons we feel excluded, lonely or just not able to fit in.
So, what can we do to spread a little kindness? I believe the main thing is to be aware of others, especially the ‘invisible’ others. To read body languages, facial expressions, tones of voices. To smile warmly, make meaningful conversation, take note of the small things and remember them. Take a genuine interest and offer empathy, compassion and genuine friendship. Divulge innocent, light hearted snippets of information about your own life as by this we show that we too are also vulnerable and as human as the next person. Compliment people and as eyes are the windows to the soul, establish and maintain eye contact even if others are hesitant. Always be yourself and remain mindful of how others may be really feeling. Life can turn upside down at any time for any one of us so we must appreciate what we have and look at our glass as half full and getting fuller. If it empties then be certain it will refill itself and in the meantime, let's fill others’ glasses to a meaningful level.
Remember that a little kindness goes a long, long way and is never forgotten.
“You cannot do a kindness too soon as you never know when too soon will be too late.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.